Monday, August 3, 2015

What am I doing? The Blogger identity crisis

Over the weekend I had serious blogging blues.  Or was it post holiday blues?  Or cancer anniversary blues?  Anyway, whatever it was it sucked and I was seriously demotivated to blog. 

So I didn't do anything.  I was tired, I was a little grumpy all weekend and had a serious case of the 'can't be arseds' (official medical term I believe)

I was questioning myself constantly-do I really still want to continue blogging?  To be honest these thoughts have been bubbling away in my head for a good while now.  It's so time consuming and this is supposed to be a hobby.  A post that might take 1-2 minutes to read probably took between 1 and 3 hours to prepare.  Sometimes I don't feel relevant in a world of 20-something, ridiculously beautiful bloggers.  I am 35, have no discernible make up skills and look terrible in 90% of the photos I take.

And then there is the look of beauty blogs these days.  They all look so perfect.  Their photos are well thought out and the lighting perfect.  Everything is white.  White everywhere.  Crisp, pristine and dare I say it, starting to feel a little identikit.  Yet I am still envious of a beautiful, light, bright image and a snappy review to accompany it.  There is such great content out there from 'non youtube star' bloggers and I read as many blogs as I can when I have free time.

I would never want to be a full time blogger.  I don't want to have to force content and attend endless events.  I like to go to work, do my proper job and then fall into my own little blogging world when I get home.

Yesterday I had a word with myself and decided yes I will continue.  Fundamentally because I love make up and I like talking about it.  Everything I blog about I buy myself-I have been sent one PR sample this year (which I am currently enjoying testing!!).  I am a make up addict.

I think the crux of my feelings boiled down to a couple of things-a) I bought so much stuff in America it was actually overwhelming when I got home.  Lots of people expected hauls but I just couldn't bring myself to write a post about it all.  And then there is the old blogger problem of 'I can't use something until I have photographed it' and so, 2 weeks after I got home from holiday there is still a double bed in the spare room covered in new products.  I admit, I have been a little too spendy the past few weeks.  b) Work has been manic and I have a proper grown up job.  I was very tired from my trip to Cairo where I had meetings back to back from 9am til gone midnight each day.  I always have to put work first.  Because if I don't, I can't buy lipstick.  c) I was still suffering from jetlag and the bitchiest bout of man flu on the planet.

So I am going to stick around for a bit.  I may be the oldest blogger on the block and not be able to make my skin look flawless and beautiful but you'll always find honest, unbiased ramblings about beauty in this little corner of the internet.

I might relax my 'four posts a week' schedule though and be a little more spontaneous.

I know I am not the only person to have ever felt like this and that this post is in no means groundbreaking in expressing my feelings but I think everyone who blogs will recognise occasional feelings of demotivation. 

PS I know Monday is usually Lip Six day but to be honest I have just been wearing NARS Audacious lipstick in Anna all week!


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