Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Personal: March round up-95% awesome

This is a really strange post to write.  I had originally thought around my birthday 'oh I will do one of those monthly round up posts because March has been totally awesome' but then a life changing announcement on the 26th (I know, I know, the drama) has left me in a total tailspin.  This post is quite self indulgent and me trying to make sense of how I am feeling so if you do read-thanks!
There's a lot going on in this post-it's photo heavy, word heavy and I tried to insert two video clips for the first time ever!!

The awesomeness started early in the month....

My oldest (in terms of actually being friends!!) friend Sylvia came to Dubai with her (now!) fiance Robert and we did some nice Dubai things including Friday brunch!  Sylv and I also went to see Ed Sheeran who was mind-blowingly amazing! (Below clips are purely from my iphone)

Ali was naughty!  You can add me on snapchat at stadybelle.  Sylvia and Robert got engaged whilst in Dubai at the very swanky Burj Al Arab hotel and I purchased a new marquis diamond ring to add to my collection.

I went to see Michael Buble with friends Carole, Hannah and Andrew-he was pretty good too!

Mothers Day made me super homesick.  I got to meet the awesome Lis
Then it was my birthday and I had a big helium balloon and champagne on my desk.

There was a bit lot of shopping.  And lots of awesome presents (lots of reviews coming soon) including this mug from Vanessa.  Look how I have self censored it lol!

Birthday lunch with my awesome work colleagues at The Rib Room in Emirates Towers including selfies with my main man JP.

Birthday dinner at Rhodes Twenty10 at Le Royal Meridien was equally amazing.

There's a new glasses situation going on.  I haven't worn glasses since I was about 10 but needs must.
  There's also a new Chanel situation going on.
Loving the rings my mum and dad bought me for my birthday-a rose quartz/rose gold Pomellato and a Tiffany rose gold T.  Both go perfectly with my 'love' ring.
Two trips to Cairo this month for work (although that's a picture of the Dubai skyline)-I'm here right now.

All pretty awesome right?

Then on Thursday I was hit by a bombshell.  My boss Nick is moving back to the UK to work at our head office.  It's a great move for him and I knew it was coming eventually but I was unprepared and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't devastated.  I cried all weekend.  I could barely string a sentence together on Thursday evening for tears.  I was heartbroken. 

I know that that will probably sound very strange and very weird.  But I've worked for Nick since I joined Barclays 4 years ago.  The second day in the role we flew out to Cairo on a business trip.  I've learned everything from Nick.  The past four years have been the best of my career and definitely the best of the 10 in Dubai.  The dynamics in our team are incredible.  Nick is the very very very best boss I have ever had.  He motivates me, inspires me and pushes me to be better every single day.  If you follow me on instagram or twitter no doubt you have heard me say countless times that I love the people I work with.  My job is challenging and some days are hard but my days are also full of laughs and support of the highest calibre.  Nick has been my mentor/coach/leader and even confidante at times for 4 years.  He is also smart, quick witted and hilarious.  During that time 15 people in my team have come and gone-moved on to other roles or relocated 'home' wherever that may be.  But all the time we were a solid team.  Then when I was diagnosed with cancer Nick was so supportive and helped me tell the rest of my team when I was still in shock.

It's also brought home to me something that I kind of knew deep down but didn't want to admit to myself.  Since that diagnosis 9 months ago I have felt incredibly lost.  I've constantly pushed down thoughts that kept popping up randomly but now they won't stay down however hard I push them away-like what am I doing with my life?  I have been in Dubai 10 years now, is it too long?  Shouldn't I be married and have kids? (although the latter is now impossible)  Will I ever feel complete without that 'expected' life path?  Should I be spending this much on lipstick every month?  You get the drift.

I have been on autopilot:  I was diagnosed with cancer in July and had the necessary surgery.  I just did it.  I pushed myself to go back to work and when I went back I went back full time and at full throttle immediately.  Week two I was back in Cairo.  I've always had Nicks support and guidance and now he is leaving I feel like that 'security blanket'/guidance/mentor is being taken away and I have fallen to pieces.

But every day I am slowly coming to terms with it (this would have been a very different post a few days ago) and I want to make the best of the next 30 days before he goes.  I will miss him so much.  I know I have been successful because of Nick and I am definitely a better person for knowing him.  I genuinely hope everyone gets the chance to work for someone like Nick once in their lifetime.

On Sunday I 'checked in' on facebook at the airport and a friend asked if I was going anywhere nice.  And my response was 'just the usual' as I fly to Cairo every 3 weeks with my job.  On the flight itself I was reflecting on this and realising I was actually very lucky that I could be so blas√© about my regular work trips given 9 months ago I was diagnosed with cancer.  I am not usually one for taking the little things for granted because I believe that the little things mean the most but obviously in my current mindset it's difficult to always remember I am extremely lucky and I am continuously getting stronger when sometimes I have so little faith in myself.

 So I am in a bit of a weird head space at the moment and I don't suppose April will be very easy with Nick leaving at the end of it.  But I will be taking all the tools Nick has taught me and using them to try and work through the muddiness that I feel in my mind at the moment.

'If you can meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two imposters just the same'


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