Thursday, September 8, 2016

Coming home

So this is a little impromptu post after a relatively rash decision I made at the end of last week.  As this post goes live I'll be boarding a plane to the UK, having just got back from Cairo 12 hours ago.

A few weeks ago I realised Eid holidays were approaching and hit on the idea of having a few days at home in the UK-I would try and fly direct from Cairo to London after my work trip-but all the flights were full (Egyptians love London what can I say) so I ended up shelving the idea.

Last week, the longing and the need to take some time out was at the forefront of my mind and I couldn't get the idea out of my head.  After several hours wasted at work looking at flight combinations and at that time London hotels (if my boss is reading this I apologise profusely) I booked a flight to Gatwick for today.  I would stay at my best friends for two days then my mum would come to London for 3 days and we'd have some girlie time together.  But my plans weren't very well thought out and it wasn't convenient to stay in London with Dani and hotels were expensive and I started to stress that I had made the wrong decision.  In the end, and in an effort to streamline the stress I changed my flight to Manchester and am just going 'home' home.  To my mum and dads in Cumbria.

In reality if I had gone to London I'd have spent 5 times more than I will at my mum and dads and would have felt constantly like there were people I wanted to catch up in London with but couldn't fit into the 5 days I was there.  So I am going home, and have no plans apart from afternoon tea with my god daughters and oldest friend on Sunday.  But I desperately want to see my nieces as well.

I need this break.  Mentally I am exhausted.  Life is good-I am not denying that and I feel very happy right now and I absolutely love the freedom being single gives me.  I love being single.  But sometimes I also feel like I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders at the moment.  Since my break up I have taken on full responsibility for everything in my life-the upkeep of the apartment, I've sold two cars and bought one new one, I've balanced all my finances, taken on additional costs that were once shared, learned how to change light bulbs and unblock toilets and have full responsibly for making sure that the cats and I are fed and watered.  And to be honest I make a better job of looking after them than looking after myself.  But I've done it (and don't get me wrong, millions of people also do this every day), I haven't complained about it and I have taken everything in my stride.  Nothing really fazes me in all honesty.  I just evolved and adapted and I feel pretty strong.  But I have a need to be busy all the time, a fear of stopping and smelling the roses. I admit I am an over thinker and am over sensitive-conversations can weigh heavily on me for hours, sometimes days.  I have a stressful job where relationships are key yet some of my most important ones have been tested to the limits the past couple of months.  I am feeling the pressure mentally.  I am a perfectionist, I cannot bear failure.

I need a few days where I don't have to feel the responsibility for everything.  Where the only thing I really need to do is make the bed in the morning.  I'm so grateful that I have parents that never really question my decisions (unless it's a really really idiotic one) or question if I need to come home and rest up and it's never a problem-and I can basically regress back to my lazy teenage self where my angel mum does everything for me.

I'm hoping to return to Dubai refreshed and ready to take on whatever life throws at me.  To keep on living this little life I am creating for myself-and am actually loving.  I've really enjoyed the summer in Dubai when I have gotten out and about and as the weather cools down I am looking forward to more 'outdoor' time and making the most of Dubai.  Don't be totally fooled-behind the glitz and the glam you see portrayed about Dubai it can sometimes be a really difficult place to live-it's superficial and it's lonely and it's transient-but in equal measures it's also fricking  awesome and I am more than happy to focus on the positive rather than the negative!

Eid Mubarak to all my Muslim friends and enjoy your celebrations!

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